Is it scary?
The age old question, that’s been old for ages.
It’s the question everyone asks about horror films, as if that’s the only thing that makes something horror. I get scared on my birthday every year that my own mother, may or may not, call me. What scares you, may not scare me is the point.
Answering the question feels like a fruitless exercise. What do we even mean by scary? Do we mean it makes you jump out of your seat? Cover your eyes? Sit in a dark room afterwards contemplating the futility of life? Some movies can do all three of these things. Some don’t at all, but I would still consider them scary, which makes them horror, I suppose. What makes something horror? That’s a whole different conversation but let me say that genre is a lie.
This is a long preamble, with no proper conclusion, to present to you a list of horror films. These are films that maybe aren’t the typical ones people might recommend. Little known, to overlooked, to under appreciated, to shut the fuck up about Alien: Covenant already, Tyler.
Artist’s rendition of me spewing my bullshit on the internet
THE LIST:
30 Days of Night - A succulent (this particular word choice makes it clear there’s vampires) hook for a vampire film. David Slade should get more work.
Zola & Crawl - Don’t go to Florida.
Lake Mungo - This is an unsettling movie that breaks down your defenses only to unleash the best jump scare I’ve ever seen.
Session 9 - This movie gets under your skin, but not in the way that Scarlett Johansson film with skin in its title does.
The Empty Man - This one seems to be gaining a cult following so hop on while you still have the opportunity to be cool. That tells you nothing about the film, but why know anything, when you can just be cool? THAT PROLOGUE.
Come True - Dreams do… holy fuck I just got the title. This isn’t even a bit. I thought I was doing some clever wordplay and it became clear where the title comes from.
Anything For Jackson - I’m ripping off my letterboxd (follow me if you mostly want jokes and ratings that make no sense) account by copying my review for this: “I'm starting to think they should have only done a few things for Jackson.”
The House of the Devil - Not sure I’ve recommended a horror movie more than this one. A great throwback scary house movie, that’s also slyly about the satanic panic. Bonus points for having a young Greta Gerwig.
Psycho Goreman - What if ET but gory as hell? Is the child actor’s performance intentionally grating or not? Does that even matter? Laughs, blood, space.
Edge of the Axe - If you’re looking for something that is like Friday the 13th (warts under a hockey mask and all) but isn’t Friday the 13th.
Terrified - Old people deserve to star in scary movies too.
Ouija Origin of Evil - Don’t judge a sequel to an awful movie by it’s cover. Mike Flanagan is the man.
Hush - A smart home invasion movie that uses a deaf main character in a clever and responsible way. Mike Flanagan is still the man. Honestly, just watch any of his stuff. You won’t be disappointed.
Friday the 13th & Texas Chainsaw Massacre & Evil Dead & Black Christmas - These are all underappreciated remakes in my book. Leave it to an audience that can be shoveled 17 sequels, throughout the 80’s and 90’s, from various franchises, but the second a remake comes along they pretend to have high standards.
Friday the 13th is one of the best theater experiences in my life. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a nasty little film that still makes me sweat. Marcus Nispel where have you gone? Evil Dead I once asked a producer on this how they procured all the blood for this and I already forgot the answer. Remember being impressed though. Black Christmas A punk rock song of a film that suffered from it not being the movie everyone wanted it to be. Don’t be those people.
Little Monsters - A zombie movie starring Lupita Nyong’o and you get to see Josh Gad die? What more do you want?
Cam - Your online identity can be a killer.
Raw - A primer since Julia Ducournau is back in the news.
The Final Girls - This movie has more to say about grief and acceptance than something like August Osage County, but because Meryl Streep isn’t in it, it has a sense of humor, and a man in a mask murders people, it isn’t considered worthwhile in that sense. Genre is a lie.
The Woman - This feels like a film to show people to explain how something can be “horrific” but not traditionally scary. Probably could have used it as a reference at the top of this post to strengthen my point, but I don’t have an editor to properly guide me. Ahead of its time.
Constantine - Catholicism is fucked up pt. 1.
The Devi’s Doorway - Catholicism is fucked up pt. 2. Hail Mary, full of grace, there’s a ghost right up in my face. I’m clearly losing steam here.
Drag Me to Hell - This is a big film but tends to get overlooked when talking about Sam Raimi, when it might be his best work.
Wolf of Snow Hollow - Jim Cummings plays with tone in a more interesting and fun manner than almost anyone working right now.
Spontaneous - A movie that understands the huge emotions of being a teenager, and the fear this generation of teens live with.
Gretel & Hansel - Oz Perkins is here to make your skin crawl.
Possessor - Brandon Cronenberg is here to make your skin crawl, then rip off your skin, and make you cry in the dark afterwards. This one isn’t for the faint of heart.
Possession - The rawest film and performances I’ve ever seen.
Event Horizon - Sam Neil is a horror icon. A haunted house film in space.
Now, that’s what I call a list!
I think most of these are on streaming services, but I don’t get paid for this, so I’m not going to look for each one. Do what I do for any film nowadays and use JustWatch.