My Year in Movies 2023: You're All Going to be Disappointed

I watched the least amount of new releases this year since before I had a driver’s license. I’m not sure what my goal for entertainment was this year, but it wasn’t to keep watching shitty comic book movies. And yet here I am, a man who has an opinion on whatever the fuck the newest Thor movie was called. Congrats to everyone in that film. I’ve seen children who were more excited to go to Sunday mass than anyone seemed to want to be a part of that film. 

I can make less sense of my movie sensibilities now than at any point in my life. There’s something a little broken inside of someone when they go back and watch early 2000s comedies that held up as well as a bunk bed they put a fat character in (this was the quality of “jokes” that were made back then). Maybe movies are worse? I think this is an easy thing to say, big blockbusters certainly are, but there are still so many great films if you go digging in the right place. That has always been the case. And the more I think about it, the more it becomes clear that this is the year where the digging became too much work for me.

I think one of the defining trends in the last few years is the death of so many great websites, for so many varied topics, especially in the entertainment industry. This isn’t a deep dive into the state of the journalism industry, but I think anyone can see how a whole profession being gutted before our eyes might affect how we find things. This is why I brought this blog back to life. High-quality writing is in short supply. I intend to keep it shorter.

I used to visit close to 10 film sites about a decade ago. Now I don’t even have ONE go-to film site. And the ones that I do occasionally visit, I get to play a fun game where I race against the clock by sifting through a dumpster of SEO slop, to find the few insightful articles, before my phone explodes from the ads that let me read three words at a time.

The writers I do enjoy, don’t write for these sites anymore, because the one thing new media sites hate more than unions is quality work. So how do you find that quality work? Sure hope you like subscriptions! I have to support 37 different writers to get a fraction of the quality of writing I used to get for free. This isn’t me complaining about people wanting to get paid. This is me complaining that we decided to build an internet model that made it so people have to get paid directly by me to survive. A whole industry I cannot sustain! 

I think Twitter becoming even more of a fucking useless cesspool was the final nail for me. I go on it less and less and it seems a lot of the film, video games, and music people I always followed have felt the same. Yes, I definitely want to go on a site where sandwiched between ads for Racist Towel™, the towel that uses AI to be more  Racist™, I get to see the same tired discourse crop up every few weeks. Sex scenes are useless. Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie. This character did a bad thing so now the whole movie is bad.

I used to need a gardening shovel to find something interesting to watch, now I need a fucking excavator. The Internet has become… exhausting. Everything is a chore. And when life outside of the place I go to periodically post stupid shit like, “A mirage is a deserts thirst trap” is already one long never ending chore, I don’t want to work any harder to find shit. And this is coming from someone like me, who actively seeks out this information and cares about the sources his news comes from. What’s it like for someone who isn’t diagnosed with Online Brain and just wants to casually learn something on the internet? I actually know the answer to that question. (1)

So a lot of this year was me finding the nearest piece of candy and hoping it still tasted as good. Sometimes it did. A lot of the time it didn’t. I just know I’m done digging in the dirt. Someone needs to throw some fucking sand in my face.  

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NOW ABOUT THE MOVIES:

Because it was a weird year in film for me as far as new releases go (I still watched a shit ton of movies), I’m going to expand my list to a few things outside that purview. Much to my chagrin, I have become more and more of a YouTube guy because while there are no TV shows about speedrunning, there certainly are a lot of channels about it. 

Favorite Things of the Year:

YouTube vids: 
(1) This. This is what happens. Hbomberguy: Plagiarism and You(Tube)
It’s the fucking wild west out here and this strengthens my crusade that that media literacy should be a cornerstone of our educational system. Mandatory shit we should start with young and keep until going through college. 

Secret Base: Meet Dave | Captain Ahab: The Story of Dave Stieb, Part 1 | Dorktown
SummoningSalt: Mario Kart 64: The Quest for World Record Perfection
These are two videos about the persistence of the human spirit, how things don’t always work out the way you want them to, but there is still beauty in the journey regardless. Both are captivating, idiosyncratic, educational, and transcend their subject matter to appeal to everyone.

Action Button: action button reviews boku no natsuyasumi
You’re going to click on this link and see a 6 hour long YouTube video and you’re going to think I’m a freak for watching it (multiple times), and the guy in it is a freak for making it. You’re probably right! As someone who has wanted video game reviews to continue to experiment and expand, this is one of the finest examples of that. I also know that’s still not enough to keep me engaged. So why do I keep coming back to this one? The game subject matter of a game helps. It’s a calming video game which is reflected in the video. No one quite puts words together like Tim Rogers. It’s a joy to listen to him twist the English language in ways that continually surprise and delight me. 

I think what makes this my favorite of his is that this video feels like the reckoning of a man who, for the first time in his life, can explore his humanity without every limitation in the world conspiring to keep him down. The only limit is himself and how much he wants to share. I’m not saying this is the “real” Tim Rogers, but I think for the first time in any of his work, there is a realness and warmth to it. A wonderful emotional journey in this one, certainly enriched by his past work, but it isn’t necessary to have seen them to be moved.

PMG: The Inside Story of Mass Effect 3's Endings, Finally Told
I love People Make Games, a necessary voice in an industry that tends to be far too respectable to the companies in power, but ten years ago a myriad of magazines and websites would do the same work which is always a bit of a bummer subtextually for me. This shouldn’t HAVE to be niche work.

Jacob Geller: Returnal is a Hell of Our Own Creation
I became obsessed, once again, with the game Returnal this year. This video essay (a word I still can’t say without gagging a little) enhanced my opinion and understanding of the game. Perfection. 

Bobby Fingers: Steven Seagal Choke Hold Diorama
The web is at its best when it is home to stupid shit.

My Favorite Movies of the Year That I Watched for the First Time (In No Particular Order)

Godzilla Minus One
The Holdovers
A Matter of Life and Death
Asteroid City
Ginger Snaps
We’re All Going to The World’s Fair
Brittany Runs a Marathon
Wargames
Oppenheimer
Suzume
Cure
John Wick 4
Written on the Wind
Blackberry
Evil Dead Rise
Jallikattu
Lost Bullet 1&2
Sick
Thunivu
Decision to Leave
Ringu

If someone asked me what my favorite new release is this year it’s probably Asteroid City. If you think I missed something, it’s because I either didn’t see it or I fucking hate it. I hope it’s the latter and you get upset about it.

A Haiku About Halloween Kills

Evil Dies Tonight

Haunted us for 40 years

Oh no, we’re monster

I Watched Movies in 2019 And Now I Have Thoughts

In no particular order here are my favorite movies of the year. I went through a lot of change this year so I saw about half of what typically see. That means I’m at 45 films that came out in 2019. Per usual, if it’s not on this list, I either didn’t get to it (yet) or I hated it. Obviously there’s no inbetween. 

Uncut Gems - A rollercoaster ride that only goes up and eventually launches you off of it to your fiery death.  
Parasite - Capitalism is poison, apparently so are peaches to a certain subset of people with a fruit allergy. 
Ready or Not - Might be the best movie of the year. Certainly the best ending. Eat the rich but have fun while doing it. Samara Weaving is the deal (watch Mayhem!)
Ad Astra - Space, the final frontier to explore daddy issues. Dad Astra, Sad Astra, Mad Astra, but certainly not Bad Astra. 
Booksmart - Funny, touching, relatable, and has an underwater scene with the perfect needle drop. That’s my catnip.
Shazam! - No, YOU have Mom abandonment issues! 
Furie - What’s this? A killer action vehicle where the shitty mom admits her mistakes, seeks out her child, all while stabbing a lot of people? I imagine that’s a dream mom for a certain type of person. 
Knives Out - What a snack of a film. Nobody does payoffs like Rian Johnson, so a murder mystery is the perfect genre for him. Daniel Craig’s accent is my kink. 
Fighting With My Family - I have no idea what was going on with me on this day, but there was no movie I cried during more than this one. Florence Pugh is the deal. 
Shadow - There are like sword umbrellas? There are sword umbrellas!
Midsommar - One of the funniest films of the year. I can’t hammer (lol) this point enough but Florence Pugh is the deal.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - This is me being optimistic that subsequent rewatches will warm me up to the film more than I currently am.
Crawl - People don’t appreciate a film that sets out and accomplishes all its goals. Crawl does it with ruthless gator chomping efficiency. Kaya Scodelario gave one of the best performances of the year. 
Terminator: Dark Fate - I think it was a down year for big-budget blockbusters, and I was hesitant to see another Terminator film that also has one of the worst trailers I’ve ever seen. But damn, if this movie isn’t doing a lot of interesting work while also giving us Arnold playing a dude named Carl, the least believable thing in a time-travel, death robot, chosen one, series. 
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum - Headshots for Daddy. 

MUSIC: 
Playlist of my favorite 75 tracks of the year and the links from two different services to said music.

Google Play:
https://play.google.com/music/listen#/pl/AMaBXynrBeRUFsWA7geFadBvpor3bEI89NzOkvvAPqU8bVzRZPOUBEAAuv_6wU-dVx79NQYKxN8GWZhxUgCUemB4HSN0e4RbYA%3D%3D

Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3fUzGjzmj7XtPfn3B98Fjr?si=0OAyOjMCScqLL78Lubc58w

Man Made Time and Now Time Has Broken This Man

Having a birthday on New Year’s Eve has always been strange. The end of the year is always a natural time to reflect on the surprises, disappointments, accomplishments, and everything else in between. That feeling is only amplified today, as I turn 30, and head into a new decade. It’s like Katamari Damacy up in there. That’s a video game reference, and not even a popular one. This is a lesson on how to immediately alienate a large audience of people.  

Reflecting on a decade that was also the entirety of my 20’s is a potent cocktail full of pain, regret, laughs, and never shutting up about The Raid -- a film that set the template for all the recent action films we know and love. There could be no John Wick, The Night Comes for Us, or all those hallway fights in the Marvel Netflix shows, without The Raid. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker? I mention it only for SEO purposes. I seem to have lost the thread of what I’m trying to say so let’s get back on track, something a recent Star Wars film struggled to do. 

I feel like I’ve been asked, “Are you ready?” more than anything else this decade, which is either an indication I’m constantly making big decisions that people consider, “impressive” or “foolish.” I know where I fall on that spectrum. I do my best to comfort everyone by saying something confident like, “I think so.” The truth is, I’m never ready. I wake up every day thinking about how little I’m prepared for whatever life is going to throw at me and also hoping my hairline will magically stop receding. A boy can dream. 

If I wake up every day like that, you can be sure as fuck that I wasn’t ready to start a new job, or move across the country, or start grad school, or see Serenity (2019) in theaters. In my defense, NO one could be ready for that last one.  

So am I ready for Twenty 20 (this is how I write it) and hearing about polling numbers every day? Am I ready for my 30’s? Well, I started having knee pain this year, so I’d say I’m more prepared than usual for what’s to come.  But even if I’m not prepared, I’m definitely ready to be better.

Every year starts with hope and I think I’m going to make the decision to embrace hope this decade, not lose it. That’s terrifying to me. I’ve grown comfortable living in fear. Fear that I can’t be totally honest with others, and myself. Fear that I’ll never find the drive to fully commit the things I want to pursue. Fear that I’m never doing enough. Fear that birds will fly in my face. Fear that I’ll be this way forever. What happens if I’m no longer defining myself by that fear?  

Maybe that all sounds absurd to you, and if that’s the case, I’m super jealous you have Good Brain™ and don’t struggle with human emotions. Thank you for reading this Mr. Terminator, from the hit film franchise spanning over 35 years, including the films, The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Terminator Salvation, Terminator Genisys, Terminator: Dark Fate. Notice how the two worst films in the franchise went sans colon? I know I just did because I typed them all out. 

How can I breakdown my fears and find hope? I have some ideas.

I want to fully throw myself into creating. That’s one of the douchiest sentences I’ve ever written and that includes the one about The Raid earlier in this post. I need to share my work, and make work that’s all me. I have to remove the fear that prevents me from creating things that speak fully to my essence. And once I find that essence I want to capture it in a candle and get it on the shelves of Costco. I want every one to smell me.

In my work I want to hit all the clichés that other creatives do. I want to seek out moments of truth, seek out the things that make me laugh, cry, scream, and shout. Seek out hope. All while having a character throw up in every one of my scripts. I also am declaring Twenty 20 the year of streaming (church31 on Twitch), baby!

That’s only like half a joke.

The second thing I want to find hope in is trains. Love everything about them. How they are on rails. How they transport a variety of things. How they have a cool sounding horn. Choo choo, motherfuckers.

The third thing I want to find hope in is people. Please cue the heartwarming score that tells you how to feel for the next few grafs. Grafs is how we shortened paragraphs at an old job. Hell yeah. That’s sexy as hell.

I think of myself as an extremely difficult and frustrating person to deal with. Day to day I’m super annoyed by me. I feel like I can be funnier, more genuine, more caring, more decisive, and just better in every aspect of my life. I’m always annoyed I’m not better. So I assume people think the same things about me. Even if I don’t know them. The person stocking bread at the grocery store? That guy is questioning why I can’t be a more supportive friend. I’m trying, guy! Anxiety fucking sucks.

I have so many amazing people in my life who actively choose to be a part of it. People who constantly amaze me with their intelligence, humor, love, drive, passion, and ability to lose to me in video games. I love the one’s I talk with every day as much as the ones I might talk to once a year. It’s an embarrassment of friendly riches that I feel blessed to be a part of. The fact that so many great people let me into their life, big or small, is something I cherish daily, even when I often feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m going to try harder to accept that maybe I do deserve them, as long as I keep trying to not be shit.

Speaking of shit! I’m 30 now. I’m only ten years away from still not relating to This is 40. Like every birthday, I hope my Mom doesn’t call me so I don’t have to make the yearly decision on whether to answer the phone or not. Please forget to call me, Mom. I hope this next decade is full of me creating things and keeping the relationships I have, while growing in both aspects. I hope that I get the courage to unabashedly be me and I hope that people can find enjoyment in that. I hope I can grow. I hope I can ride on a train.

I don’t know what this is for. I don’t know if it’s to keep me honest, if it’s to shed a little more light on who I am, if it’s how I’ve decided to have some self-reflection, or if I just felt like writing the most self-indulgent bullshit ever. Could be all four! 

What I really want to say is:

Thanks for giving me hope. 

An Exhaustive List of Things You Can't Do If You're Not Registered to Vote

1. Vote.

Thank you for your time.
https://www.vote.org/

New Beginnings for the *checks Facebook history for times he's announced a new blog* 5th time

I hope to update this blog more frequently than other blogs I also said the same thing about. To get started I will be sharing some of my favorite posts from an older blog to give you an idea of what I tend to talk about. I might end up re-posting them on here because there’s a very good chance I destroy my tumblr and spread its ashes across the digital landscape.

• The time I talked about the movies I liked in 2016

• The time I talked about how to make more Oscar movies like La La Land

• The time I talked about M. Night Shyamalan and his evolution as a filmmaker

• The time I made a crude joke about a famous Power Rangers catchphrase

• The time I wasn’t really that off about how they would over-explain Han Solo’s name in Solo: A Star Wars Story or Whatever They Call Them: